Remembering is dangerous. I find the past such a worrying and anxious place. “The past tense” I suppose you could call it. Memory’s so treacherous. One moment you’re lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental wiring. The next it leads you where you don’t want to go. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp, ambiguous shapes of things you had hoped were forgotten. Memories can be vile, repulsive. But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we can’t face them we deny reason itself! Although why not? We aren’t contractually tied down to rationality, there is no sanity clause. So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought headed for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there is always madness. Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away… forever.



When did we forget our dreams? The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking. And i'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over. And we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts. Each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. And no, I don't have all the answers, I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: The solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It does not involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can. When you ask me to act more "normal" I will kindly respond with: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.